The Creative Life

I have a confession to make.

For a long time I have buried my creativity.

I have denied it. Pretended it doesn’t exist. Called it by any other name and left it waiting at the door, turning my back on it at every opportunity.

Something which not many people know about me is I have high-functioning anxiety, which wells up very quickly, and makes it very difficult for me to jump off the anxiety cloud when I’m on it and in full flight. I often feel it’s because my creativity isn’t being expressed on a daily basis. For the past 2 and half years I studied design – this was my creative outlet. Since graduating, I have felt an empty well. I no longer have had a regular outlet for this energy to go.

I feel my creativity as a giant winged bird which permanently sits between my shoulder blades. He is constantly in my ear, whispering to my heart the true purpose of what I should be doing – why do I refuse to listen to him? With every refusal he settles in more snuggly, and weighs on me more heavily every day. He is waiting for me to take the reins on my life, to pursue the things that I love in my life.

He is waiting to lift me up on wings, but I need to take the first step to get us there. And it is hard. I am afraid to fail. I am afraid I’m not good enough. But something has changed in me, something is now different. It is my creativity itself –  instead of knocking softly, is now pounding the door with its heavy and insistent wings.

On creative thing per day is all it will take to make a change. Watercolours. Illustration. Taking an unusual picture. Cooking a beautiful meal. I will pursue my dreams of letting creativity take the reins of my life, and embrace the life I feel deep in my bones I am meant to live.

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Pastel watercolours are my favourite and so much fun to play with!

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Pink! One of the best things about watercolours is the wacky shades the water turns when mixing the perfect colour. If tea came in this colour it would be happy days indeed!

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Working on my Fruit Series – I am planning a few more. These are inspirations for digital illustrations I am currently creating. Created using thick gouache for the background for a textured effect with thinner paint applied for the detail, these are my experiments in using gouache as I haven’t painted with these for a very long time. I am slowly recovering  old techniques as my hands familiarise themselves with my paint brushes again.

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If you want to keep up with my painting and creative journey, follow my Instagram  – Damselfly7.

Look forward to seeing you there!

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Goin’ back to school!

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This week marks the first week of me going back to school!

I know I have been quiet this year, making my first post in March is a little sloppy, but now that I am back at uni studying Communications, majoring in media studies it is time to get serious about writing.

I have had a love for all types of communication for a long time – being a creative soul I was drawn to the visual arts, and graphic design in particular. I was fascinated with the process of planning and executing design, and the strategy behind it – logo design, branding, putting together advertising campaigns, and my first love – illustration. So off I went and applied for a Diploma of Graphic Design, and I am proud to say I finished it last year and now can call myself a designer.

But I have also had a love for written communication, and writing in all forms since I was a little girl. I would spend hours playing with my toys making up fantastical stories of daring, courage, and adventure as I led my playmates through the thick jungles of my mum’s garden’s undergrowth. When I got a little older and had learnt to write, countless stories would be written as part of school projects, and when that wasn’t enough I began to write in small journals. This became a bit of an obsession as I got older, and to this day I have about 15 journals that I have kept on and off over the years, not counting the ones that have been lost.

By the time I became an adult and had discovered the world of blogging, I was hooked and knew I held a deep love for writing deep inside.But there was one thing I always feared with writing, and that was a fear of failure. Would I be good enough? Would anyone want to read anything I had ever written? Not just in terms of stories, or fiction, but the same translated into when I joined the workforce and would obsess endlessly over the emails and memos I would write. Over time, I have improved. In all forms of written communication. And in doing so, the itching passion has come back now twice as strong, and the desire to write, and share, and build, and create, and connect with others has come with it.

Now that I am older, and perhaps a little wiser, I can see how far I have come. I have also come to the conclusion that I can marry both my creative loves and take my life in a different direction.

Coming into my own in the last 3 years has really fuelled my decision to be authentic and pursue the things I love. Learning and up-skilling as an adult has not been the easiest thing, but I am willing more than ever to keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue my journey.

I am very excited to see where this study road leads as I attempt to hop, skip, and jump to new destinations and opportunities. I am a firm believer in that when we take the initiative and make the move to move forwards and better our lives, the Universe resounds a big fat yes! and makes these things happen for us.

When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it – Paulo Coelho 

 

 

This year 2016

After many months of absence I have returned back here to this space, as I’ve done many times without writing or contributing to what I have created. While I am still to work out the direction in which I want to take my offering,  I am ready to pick up where I have left off and let my words flow once more.

This year 2016 has been a big one in many ways. My intentions for the past 12 months were ones of investment and transformation, which I worked on in major ways to bring more of both into my life.

  1. I finished my Graphic Design diploma – 2 and a half years of hard work, commitment and pure perseverance enabled me to cross the line and say I am now a designer.
  2. Moving into an airy, sunny, and quiet new apartment. This is move number 6 in 6 years.
  3. Re-commiting to my yoga practice
  4. Committing to my new adult braces
  5. Being free of my Deep Vein Thrombosis!
  6. Writing my own portfolio website and learning to code enough to get the job done
  7. Visiting Vegas, experiencing the beautiful Grand Canyon, and partying at Omnia nightclub with over 4,500 colleagues at Caesar’s Palace for a work trip
  8. Enjoying and celebrating one more year of life with my beautiful senior dog
  9. Deciding I will not settle just for any man – I am willing to wait for someone special
  10. Reaching over 900 posts on Instagram – am on track for 1000!
  11. Continuing to work towards self-love. My journey has been a long one and it is a road I continue to walk down each and every day.
  12. Learning to accept that I will make mistakes – I forgive myself and move forwards with my head held high
  13. Allowing my inner gypsy princess to come out more often and play with beautiful skirts, long earrings, and bare feet
  14. On that same note, growing my hair to mermaid lengths and leaving it alone without heat styling and straightening
  15. Investing in more books than clothes
  16. Recognising my work-life balance is a little off-center. I am beginning to put together a plan in place for better balance and organisation in 2017.
  17. Ditto for my personal finances
  18. Friendship. I have beautiful, strong, successful friends who I celebrate spending time with and who I am grateful to have in my life
  19. Grateful for family – watching my nieces and nephews grow up is  beautiful experience – they grow up too fast!
  20. Articulating for the first time what my numerous dreams are, and allowing myself the luxury to really think about how I can make them happen. They are unique to me, and not letting others dissuade me with well-intentioned-but-not-for-me-opinions.

As the year comes to a close, I work to plan for 2017, a year of new beginnings, big changes, love and joy. And so it is.

 

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Life. Love.

Taking a hiatus from writing has been somewhat cathartic, but at the same time I have missed it, without any channel to express what I have experienced during these last few months.

Since my last post, changes have occurred in my life, both externally and internally, which has sparked a period of transition for me as I settle into a new job, juggle full-time work with study, adjusting to a new home environment, and take stock during a period of change in my friendships and social life.

Someone once told me that all change is good – even if it doesn’t feel good at the time.

Adjusting to my ever changing friendships has been a real test in terms of me learning to really stand on my own two feet, and learn to rely on my strength, my confidence that I can support myself through. I am now the only single woman amongst the people I have grown up with, and it seems that everyday I see more and more people pairing up, getting engaged and married, and starting families of their own.

I have had to dig deep to find the strength to believe there is nothing wrong with me as a person, and that when the time is right, the right man will come into my life and want to be a part of it. This is something that I am accepting, which takes work each and every day. I have good days, and then there are days where I slide into self-pity, and I remind myself that this is all part of my story, and that the story has not ended yet. I recently came across this great list of things to do when the blues come knocking, from the lovely Gala Darling .  I have decided to use this opportunity to better my life – to use the time to focus on work and doing the very best that I can, to concentrate on my studies and produce a volume of design and art work that I can be proud of that I can use to build my portfolio, to plan some travels for the end of the year, and an adventure next year, to focus on becoming healthy again by exercising and getting enough sleep and rest, to cut out the alcohol and the fast food which does nothing for the way I feel about myself, to discover new interests, read lots of books, keep an open mind to meeting new people and inviting new experiences into my life.

Walking tall and proud and alone is something to cherish – an independent woman living life on her terms.

 

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Being free

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I found this in my inbox this morning. And it reflected the very thing I have been feeling all week. The desire to have an adventure, to take off, to feel my feet lift off the ground and fly away to roam the world, the sky, the stars, to see what I can find out in the big blue universe. It’s days like these when the dreamer, the drifter, and the free spirit in me wants to be heard.

Maya Angelou

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” I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  – Maya Angelou

You taught me a lot through your words – compassion, resilience, to be true to myself no matter what circumstances crossed my path in life. You were a comfort when the nights were long, and the days cold, and there was nobody else to teach me the lessons I needed to learn, or hear the words I so desperately  needed to hear.

Thank you.

Mr Brainwash!

This past weekend I was fortunate enough to attend the creatively wonderful Semi-Permanent art & design forum in Sydney, and got to both hear Mr Brainwash speak, and see his ‘Life is Beautiful’ exhibition. Best known for his work with Banksy on the film ‘Exit through the Gift Shop’, Mr Brainwash, aka Thierry Guetta, is a passionate, creative, eccentric, and amazingly driven man, helping to inspire, encourage, and spread his ‘Life is Beautiful’ message to the masses.

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