I have a confession to make.
For a long time I have buried my creativity.
I have denied it. Pretended it doesn’t exist. Called it by any other name and left it waiting at the door, turning my back on it at every opportunity.
Something which not many people know about me is I have high-functioning anxiety, which wells up very quickly, and makes it very difficult for me to jump off the anxiety cloud when I’m on it and in full flight. I often feel it’s because my creativity isn’t being expressed on a daily basis. For the past 2 and half years I studied design – this was my creative outlet. Since graduating, I have felt an empty well. I no longer have had a regular outlet for this energy to go.
I feel my creativity as a giant winged bird which permanently sits between my shoulder blades. He is constantly in my ear, whispering to my heart the true purpose of what I should be doing – why do I refuse to listen to him? With every refusal he settles in more snuggly, and weighs on me more heavily every day. He is waiting for me to take the reins on my life, to pursue the things that I love in my life.
He is waiting to lift me up on wings, but I need to take the first step to get us there. And it is hard. I am afraid to fail. I am afraid I’m not good enough. But something has changed in me, something is now different. It is my creativity itself – instead of knocking softly, is now pounding the door with its heavy and insistent wings.
On creative thing per day is all it will take to make a change. Watercolours. Illustration. Taking an unusual picture. Cooking a beautiful meal. I will pursue my dreams of letting creativity take the reins of my life, and embrace the life I feel deep in my bones I am meant to live.
Pastel watercolours are my favourite and so much fun to play with!
Pink! One of the best things about watercolours is the wacky shades the water turns when mixing the perfect colour. If tea came in this colour it would be happy days indeed!
Working on my Fruit Series – I am planning a few more. These are inspirations for digital illustrations I am currently creating. Created using thick gouache for the background for a textured effect with thinner paint applied for the detail, these are my experiments in using gouache as I haven’t painted with these for a very long time. I am slowly recovering old techniques as my hands familiarise themselves with my paint brushes again.
If you want to keep up with my painting and creative journey, follow my Instagram – Damselfly7.
Look forward to seeing you there!